Its more like an excuse for cheating. When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. v5.00a - 0.32607s [RUM] 2023-03-03 02:57:10. If you kissed a stranger while you were drunk, dont worry about it. (I wonder why.) Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. But fine, then 'It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it': give him the truth *cleverly*. Simone was telling a caller how satisfy his girlfriend. You want me to go on a comma and replace her. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Since he felt there was an attraction with you two. I'm not married nor have I ever been married. You confessed your sins. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. It didn't feel real. As one young man said " time heals" and he's so right. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . But I can't leave my job. I told him straight away what had happened. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. I tried to flag down a taxi but it ignored me and I even hid behind a wall at a garage while he took a pee. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. David bit Jordan. You had too much to drink and you kissed someone who wasnt your boyfriend or your girlfriend. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. Because guilt typically occurs in "micro-bursts" of brief signals, we often underestimate the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives. If he's like meI can forgive the actbut not the lying. It takes to heal the wounded trust again. You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. The way it happened-not so good! Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. The video shows twogayguys(fellow vloggers Jordan Jayro and James Butler) partner with four straight men togive them their first man-to-mansnog. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. Nooooo, surely not. All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. PS: Don't ever drop it, will you. I think my husband will not forgive me. Certainly, that's what I myself meant and expected you to quote Bienne as more or less echoing. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. "I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses." If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. The other day, I had a first with my partner Flo: I put my tongue in another man's mouth while he stood by only to observe. I don't know if he wants to still be friends with her on FB or not. I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? 5. Three women and one guy went back. Hence - two aims for the price of one act: psychological fertility treatment + attention and affection. I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. A It happened two days ago. Houston, well, whaddayaknow - I'M PREGNANT! It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name. ;-). male View related questions: "and though he immediately pulled away". Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. The problem is soulmate if I mentioned some of the things that happened in another in another thread. Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. By clicking 'Accept and continue' you consent to our use of cookies in accordance with your preferences which can be reviewed / updated at any time via our Privacy Policy. ;-) (Awlthough, dang naace trah, they-yer, at tryin-a git' me ter disclows mah gendah. Any advice guys? :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference. I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. Guilt protects our relationships. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. Or do I? Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. Guilt occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a "pro-social" emotion because it helps you maintain good relations with others. So she left after a couple of replies. Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! It's mos becoming serious and we really like each other! Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again. At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. I myself have had issues in the past months but I won't elaborate. A guy bought me drinks and he asked me if I wanted to ride his motorcycle to another bar and I did. A certain someone might read it. reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A I always prefer to know if something is going on than find out about it later, or worse, never find out at all (the idea of this chills me). Take it away, expand if you please! The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. ;-)). After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. I am sure this girl knows he is married. But living a lie would be so much worse. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. What if she sabotages the relationship through guilt? Hang on because I'm sure there will be other people who believe differently from me. I'm mortified. I speak from experience when I say that when that intimacy starts to die, it can be the start of the end. I'm trying - with the utmost seriousness and sincerity - to advise you to keep your relationship rap-sheet completely squeaky clean. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. So, I reluctantly confessed to getting drunk and kissing my piano teacher. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. That's alright, that's a common mistake. So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT. If your husband *did* get wind of it thus realised you'd kept it secret from him - despite he told YOU when someone made a pass at HIM - he'd then have A NUMBER of major beefs with you: End of story. His imagination could go haywire over that one. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. A number of years ago, while I was still married to my late husband, I befriended a guy who was an ace pianist. We were not drunk. Or run away? Loyal Girl sorry to hear about your situation. Unforeseeable consequence. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. :-). Dont tell me now that youre in love with him.. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. You don't have control over these things. California coastal beeches will leave you saying -America not too shabby.. Can't take anything from South of France-doesn't everybody go there? Youre not homosexual until youre actually attracted to dudes., MORE : Bella Thorne reveals she is bisexual by kissing a girl in surprise Snapchat, MORE : These are the UKs most powerful LGBT people, Doctor explains why some men faint or get nosebleeds when they get an erection, This is the number of sexual partners the average Brit has had, Mum in coven manifests orgasms and schedules sex magick with husband, Post-pill clarity: I came off contraception and didnt fancy my partner anymore, How I Do It: Its empowering to have a guy over and pleasure myself afterwards, follow-up video of straight girls kissing other girls for the first time, Bella Thorne reveals she is bisexual by kissing a girl in surprise Snapchat, These are the UKs most powerful LGBT people, Do not sell or share my personal information. I also agree with SUSIEDQQ that is won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to her or her marriage. He is the best person I have ever met. It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. My thread is called Hurt and Confused. One day, he came over with a bottle of whisky and he had already been drinking. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! Yes it hurts.. Translation: Stuff moral taboos, my wanton self-gratification urge is more important than any implement for world peacebut I'm a nice guy, no, really I am.) My SO and I had been dating two years. Personally I don't believe in marriage. We may share information about your use of our site with trusted advertising and analytics partners. When you conclude that your guilt is sending you an incorrect message, label your guilt as a false alarm, ignore it as best you can and make a fresh . If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! Of course there would have to be a lot of transparency in the marriage there after. If it were my husband, I would be upset too, because that would be so out of character for the man I know. I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me :) and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. I wanted to go further with him, but I didnt nor did he push for anything more. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by), Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. Should find time to respond tomorrow. I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. I'd be obsessed with it. Well you need to figure that out and fast. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. 3. A guilty kiss involves kissing a specific person while drunk who either has a crush on you or whom you have a crush on, and then using your drunken state as an excuse for having kissed that person. Scopes: Yes, the kids are the real victims. Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? When my husband came home, he could tell right away that I had been drinking. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? I don't know why I need that so much, but I do. What is he supposed to do with this information? What does it mean for my marriage? I can't stop playing it over again and again. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. ;-)) Live with the soul crushing guilt you earned, or lose your BF. lover. Sincere apology if my assumption is wrong. Ill bet you got drunk on purpose because you wanted to kiss him/her.. Not just to you. It really depends on the dynamics of your relationship though. For me i felt guilty for enjoying it so much. I knew you liked him/her. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. Thank you. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. There is more going on. Unless you literally were so drunk that you had no idea what you were doing, it's probably better for you to take responsibility for and own your behavior instead of saying "I got drunk" as an excuse. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: I dont know what else to do. The moment feelings are involved then youve cheated. And it's weird, but it's like I need the guy to tell me what I did was ok and I'm not a bad person. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. I'm 5 years married to my best friend. Something like that changes almost everything in a marriage. I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress. I feel so bad since then. get into counselling. female Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. I think a real man actually kisses a dude at least once to really know your sexuality, one says. You lied to me for 2 years? I did for a second *start* to kiss him backbut only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. 15 votes, 25 comments. They all agree that kissing is intimate with one even saying that to them, its more intimate than sex. I felt disorientated. Don't feel guilty because you are a mom (or dad) and you feel like you need to be spending time with them. Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. And has also started crying for no reason when things are going well between us. (SK: no, it's just one of those places that's never appealed, holiday-wise, no doubt exacerbated by the fact I don't like long-haul flights for how they literally do my head in (think it's the aircon gas plus oxygen deprivation (don't get me started)) often lasting for a whole week afterwards, which isn't exactly what I call having a nice time.) i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. I believe that its a good thing to fess up when kissing someone you care about when you drank too much could threaten your existing relationship. I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. One way to alleviate guilt is by taking action. Keep it to yourself. The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. We use cookies on our site to remember your preferences, monitor site traffic and offer personalised ads. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. Again - your choice. After all she did say that the kiss lasted for maybe 5 minutes. You wanna tell your husband? You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner. We lived in a small town at the time, and it felt like avoiding this girl was nearly impossible. :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. But for me, it was. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. Do you want to end you marriage? But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. Don't feel guilty. It is the gateway to another feeling. You came to your sences and stopped this from going any farther. And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. "then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! All night I chatted and joked with a group of maybe 10 people, mostly women. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? ;-D. Ahhhh you're back! A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. Either way, I've noted your comments, I've already decided what I am going to do, and I'll deal with the consequences, whatever they might be. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) Even though it took her a while to make that choice, she both never recognized her role and then made a series of bad choices after. You kissed a guy - Possibly unforgivable. She may say that. I am the same way. What did she say? reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): A Right,undoubtedly you didn't say what Tillybops wanted to hear. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. It's just a "good weekend?" I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. Own your truth- You did not expect to hear the REAL TRUTH and the RIGHT ADVICE. I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. It's good you feel guilty, that means your not cheating pond scum. Hello, TheBestAdvice: Im glad you thought my post was intelligent and that you could relate to it. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again. For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. He has morals. The marriage itself trying to keep his father and the community happy, and just get my husband to consider the rest of the job force he worked in and the many his wants would affect with UAW seniority for a big three auto plant. They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. ;-p My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger.. Righd AWN, sistah! As for this one, I think it's safe to say it's run its course for now. Better safe than sorry. I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. instead of: Make it up to him by being an awesome girlfriend. female You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. I say tell him. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Already have an account? Many people who get drunk become more amorous, and if our significant others arent with us at the time of our drinking binge, we might be inclined to kiss or even have sex with someone else because were not playing with a full deck when were drunk. I'm so confused. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. Kissing that that guy confirmed it. SO if you shouldn't, then A) you should be able to tell him, and B) if he's the type to hit the roof over a kiss, he's a wee bit paranoid for his own good, and it wouldn't be *your* fault. If he is like me, its a choice. a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. "He's a great kisser" what she said to me. I thanked him for telling me this and we didnt speak to one another for years. I certainly wouldnt throw him under the bus -just yet. Stories about open relationships, swinging, polyamory and other alternative relationship structures. Guess what his response was? However, if you kissed someone whom you liked or had a crush on while you were drunk, my opinion is that you cheated. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). Forget about it! Well, that's all fairly laudible but I could list so many reasons why, but instead Ill just list a few. I was very drunk. I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos). I'm dating this guy and have been for about 2 months. Relationships are about trust, first and foremost. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Just, why leave yourself open if you don't have to. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. I have never done anything like this before and truly would never again. I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok. HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay? But not good enough and you not happy enough to exclude fore-foreplay (open-mouthed kissing) with someone (*ugh) other than him as per the for-life contract? 2. Confide in someone you trust. Try to let it go and forgive yourself. You already have internalized that part. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. I had had an argument with my fianc because I found a suspicious text from a woman , he became very mad . If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. I love your stories, Foxie. And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. DON'T: Kiss and tell to someone you're kissing. In the end you're the one who knows your boyfriend and whether he would like to know about something like that or not. female
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